Chassis

Hey Salem,

You're staying the night at Grandma Rhoda's house and it seems like you guys are having a great time. These days you have a sudden fascination with monster truck chassis (specifically). You're into dinos as much as always, and you are deeply excited about Legos. You build your own chassis out of flat Duplo pieces, and sometimes we build different kinds of houses and buildings out of different magnetic shapes from this really cool set you have. You even built a gulag for army men, which was fantastically entertaining. You run around the house like a wild dinosaur every night, and just writing this is making me miss you so much. I love playing games with you, dude. Do you even realize what a joy you've brought to my life? Maybe that's why I'm feeling a bit down today, because when you are away it feels like a piece of me is missing. I know I'm being silly, but it's true. Ever since you've been around my life has been a lot different. I feel like I'm seeing the world all over again from your eyes, and I lose myself to my own imagination when we play games together. 

I'm so happy, it scares me.

So far, 2024:

• Chicago.
• Chicago-Colorado-Chicago.
• Virginia Beach
• Michigan stuff
• Grand Canyon.

Time shall tell..

There is a new plastic bag in the tree in my backyard.

I don't know why I chose this moment to write. I'm frantic and weird about something, doing that thing where I pace back and forth between two or three rooms of my small house, freezing in place in each room as if I have no idea how I got there. It's true. I've been randomly doing this for years, and it often precedes something big. What's getting me? Let it out. Don't proofread. My mom guilted me about something earlier today. A friend didn't write me back twice. My son is better than I deserve. It's blue outside, but a pretty kind of blue. It matches my living room walls somehow. There is fluffy snow on the ground. The anniversary of my father's death is coming up. I'm going to Mexico soon with little to no preparation. I haven't dreamed in a long time. I'm uninspired. It feels like it has always been winter. Writing this helps somehow. 

There is a new plastic bag in the tree in my backyard.

First Day of School

It happened. Even though I swore I wouldn't get sad, it suddenly hit me that my son is going to start school in a few days. Today felt like a blur. 

His world is so little. The bigger his world gets, the less control I have. I will learn to accept that.

That little plastic bag that has haunted my tree for so long is nearly gone.