When you lose a parent, people are going to tell you to get help and talk to somebody. You know that's the best advice ever and you know deeply that if you don't take it you are going to suffer. But, you put it off until it's been three years and you're sitting by a hotel pool with your son listening to Journey while using the chlorine to cover up why your teary eyes are all so red.
That's what I did. I didn't talk to anyone and now I'm fatalistic about everything. I think about death all the time. Sometimes I see flashes of my father on his last days and I feel a loneliness come over me that I could not compare to anything else.
I can talk about that here, right? That's the premise of this new version of my online ramblings. I'm going to be completely transparent and speak freely. I don't really have any strong opinions about anything like others do in their blogs. I'm just a lonely and confused person who has to prove to his son that the world is something more than a lonely and confusing place. That's no easy task.
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