Rebirth

I made it through my second week of grad school with a small hiccup in my plan but it was one that was easy to fix with the help of a patient family and a few extra hours after work.  The poisonous thought entered my mind which tells us to quit as soon as we are confronted by the most minimal of setbacks.  That very poison is probably responsible for causing so many people to stop playing musical instruments or never getting past the first paragraph of that book they have been wanting to write.  Maybe it's doubt.  It's probably doubt and I blindly recognized it as a force that was going to grow stronger against my favor unless I destroy it in its infancy.

Lately the idea of 'rebirth' has been playing in my mind.  I feel like a new person.  I hate that I wrote that, it doesn't describe how I really feel.  Let me try again.  I feel like an old part of me has died, a chapter has finished, and while I have the option to stop writing this book all together I still have a much more exciting option of not-giving up.  And it feels good.  Salem was responsible for this.  When my wife was pregnant I began to see the future in a way I never thought would be physically possible.  I could begin to imagine myself and where I will be in eighteen years and admittedly the thought concerned me a bit.  I began to worry about my job and the sustainability of my body while I work in such a physically demanding profession.  That very profession has given me a house to our name as well stability in my home country, something I never had thought possible a few years ago.

Rebirth.. Birth.. Salem.. I'm watching this little beautiful and curious baby turn into a toddler and although it is cold outside I cannot help but think about how nice it will be to take him into the lake this summer.  I had a premonition about this a long time ago that one or two of you might remember about this, it's a very meaningful to me.  Salem saw his first squirrel today, at least the first one I was around to see with him.  We have been staring out the window on this very lazy weekend and I realize that it has been quite a long time since I've let my spirit so free.  No phone, no distractions, just an open heart and an open mind.  Then I heard her calling again..

Today I want to look at many maps as if I have never seen a map before.  I want these maps to collect and be found by my son in a few years and I want the world to suddenly seem much larger than he can understand.  He has barely seen our backyard, God I have so much to show him.  And this is how I found my rebirth, through my beautiful son.  He is the biggest motivation I have to get back out there and be bold and amazing.  I'm perhaps one of the last people on this planet, so it seems, that still believes in the good of things to come and I want to show my son this world while there is still a possibility to find other believers out there.