Maybe We're Fishing

Hi there, Salem

I'm writing you this letter from my university which is located in the center of downtown Seattle. It's early morning and I'm the first one here, munching on an everything bagel from a tiny café around the corner.

You had a nightmare last night. I think you did, at least. About 2:00 in the morning, you woke up really scared about something, and I think it was because you had just watched that movie "Up" with Suboy, your friend from Vietnam. It wasn't the subject matter or anything like that, I just don't think you've been exposed to suspenseful things and ominous music, dogs with glowing eyes, and all that. Actually, this reminds me of one of my first memories which was of a scary scene in a Garfield cartoon where a panther with bright green glowing eyes was on the loose. But, you came to me when you were scared. You cuddled up with me and let me talk you back to sleep. When things like this happen, it makes me realize how lucky I am to be your dad. I never thought a person would love me like you do, and honestly that is the most intense feeling I've ever had. Pardon me for saying something so typical, but I think you'll understand this better one day if you ever choose to be a dad too.

You are the center of my world, but sometimes I get distracted. I get lost in this cycle of worry and anxiety about the future. I'm worried about my health, money, climate change, school shootings, good God.. I'm worried about everything. Yet, somehow a new day begins, and this perfect little boy wakes up next to me as we spend the last of our few days in Seattle together. 

Salem, you're going to make a lot of friends someday soon. Don't forget me, okay? I was your first best friend, and to me you will always be my sunny days. I love watching you grow up, but it does pain my heart sometimes. It's not that I want to hold on to each moment because that wouldn't be fair to you. You deserve to grow and live and love, but I get so worried you won't want to be my friend anymore. All I've ever wanted, since I've known you, is to live to be a very old man by a river somewhere and you still like me. Maybe we're fishing. We should probably start fishing soon. 

I just want you to know that I'm not perfect, but I will love you unconditionally forever. You've made my life complete, and it is now my life's purpose to see that this world is good enough for you and you are safe and never feel alone. 

It's a wild world out there, but it's yours now. It's so good to be here with you, my son.