CETYS, Mexicali

 

Totoro Wind

There was a time when this was my only outlet for social media. I kind of miss those days, and from time to time I consider going back to those simpler ways. This entry was preceded by about thirty five minutes of staring at my phone. 

Things are good though. It's almost a bit strange to be writing when things are so well and fine, but something was pulling me to open up my computer and write today. 

It's a beautiful day. Somehow it's about 61 degrees outside even though its still early February. Life has been cozy lately. I don't work too hard. I try to live well and I've made some sort of peace with myself. 

Now I want to make something.

(A massive wind passes by immediately after writing that.)

I feel like I have all of the tools and enough training to get the job done. I have a million ideas and I'm wide awake. Normally I'd be living a stinky and adventurous lifestyle of a free-spirited artist, but a few years ago I assumed the role of father. I love and cherish this role, and its importance is what has been channeling my energy away from my own creative pursuits. 

More simply put, I'm giving all my energy to my son and I don't regret it one bit. But, I'm finding myself a bit lacking in personal growth lately and I'm not sure how to go about it without sacrificing time with my family. 

Frankly, I do a lot around here too. 

Let it be known that I'm happy. I'm extremely happy, but also thirsty. You can be both. 

February

Sometimes I think I'm doing it wrong. I'm wasting time. I'm not cherishing each passing moment. My son is growing up just as fast as they said he would and I'm lost in my own world half of the time. I just wanted to write that down somewhere because it's a challenge for me. I love the passing of time and I love watching my son grow, but every so often there are these very, very special moments where time seems to stop. Just an hour ago I was putting him to bed and I left a few minutes too early. He called for me, "Daddy", and he usually calls for Mom. So, I went back to cuddle up with him for a little while longer, and suddenly I felt like everything was still. I had nothing on my mind. I was at peace and I didn't want to be anywhere else in the world. I've never felt that so strongly before, and every single day I'm afraid to lose it. Only parents would truly understand that.