How to Build an Airship

 Many moons ago I lived in the company of some of the greatest minds I've ever met and they are still my best friends today.  During the later years of university we would stay up all night, drinking potions and talking loudly about the world we knew, trying to make sense of something that we all felt we were a part of, something huge.  We didn't know it at the time but a feeling in our guts was beginning to tell us that the journey we would each be setting out upon, a journey personalized for each one of us, would be very difficult and come with many life-changing experiences that no fortune teller could ever predict.  We were building an airship and until very recently it had been quite long time since I felt the excitement of being involved in such a project.

The last I heard from myself in the form of this blog I was feeling a hefty burden of uncertainty that was beginning to tighten her grip on my spirit.  I could hardly use my good arm and it was very difficult to type.  I still have trouble holding a pen or playing music but for now I'll keep the happiness that came with my modest improvements in whichever form I can get.  I sat alone with myself and looked deep into my everything.  Gods, I have been so foggy lately yet now things are beginning to focus again with clarity.  I know now what I have to do so let's stop being esoteric about it and explain.  I'm going to try to expedite my Master's degree and get this party started.  There is no need to lay out a formula on here for how I'm going to do it, this is nothing I can't handle, but I'm speaking directly to my future self and declaring that a few short months after my 40th birthday I will indeed have a fine airship built, ready to fly again.

To build an airship, a majestic world-wandering machine fueled by magical principals, one must grant oneself a simple and well thought out list of tasks.  This list is your blueprints.  It is foolish to build something so important without blueprints.  Next you must define the supplies and tools with which you plan to accomplish your task and part of this includes actual budgeting of how much time and money you can afford to spare while building an escape pod in your backyard.  This is of course something you're probably doing in secret during your free time.  People will notice and therefore the next step is to have an alibi of your plans.  People tend to look at you weird when they know you are building an airship, sometimes they are jealous, yet sometimes you will chance upon other airship craftspeople who know exactly what you're up to.  Lastly, you have to learn how to fly.  I can't teach you how to fly, I just jumped from a cliff and into the clouds and that was long, long ago.  Now I'm learning how to fly with a family.

Doubt

 In the past I had always boldly sworn that uncertainty and doubt were old friends of mine.  I used to think that the subtle loom of worry and the creeping anxiety were sign of something great to come, not fear of an undesirable outcome.  This type of uncertainty makes our heads spin if we let it so these days I'm trying to keep it together and so far doing fairly well.  My arm is pretty busted though, I was hoping by now to have been typing with both hands.

As of now I have only just started looking into this new path I'm on, maybe I'll be esoteric about it and maybe somebody still reads this blog and gets what I am talking about.  Something huge is in the air and it feels like a massive change.  It is not only globally but each of us individually, no doubt, I see it all over my friends and my strangers.  I thought my arm would be better by now and I thought I'd feel courageous enough to begin asking for advice about my path but these things take time.  It's okay to stay up late looking at the snow and wondering if it were ever sunny outside.  My son is loving this time I am blessed to spend with him and it is truly through him that I have reawakened.  I feel like my body has just been pulled from the matrix and I'm trying to get feeling back in my limbs fast enough to grab my family and escape from this burning rock.  That's perhaps too dramatic.

Focus man.  Keep your head up, way up.  The tingling in my arm and numbness in my hand will pass, it has already started doing so, and soon you will see things more clearly.  I know that.  I'm only human but I plan to be an awesome one, you should expect no less for yourself.

Balance and Rehabilitation

 I'm writing this with one hand.  I don't have to explain that, it's been a long week and I'm sure I won't have any trouble remembering the fracture and replacement of my right radial head.  However this story which I am now writing is being told much slower and I'm sure there is something special about that irony.

As of this moment I'm only a few short days out of surgery and honestly the pain has dropped dramatically since the first night.  My plan to become a teacher in the world again has been expedited, but the cost is very great.  The challenges are new and unexpected, yet mixed with fear from the trauma caused by the accident.  I want to hold Salem so bad, I can only hope that this passes quickly.

Now I have to find my balance and the sooner the better.  

Find yourself, lose yourself, repeat.  I'm really no stranger.  Maybe that's balance by definition but that seesaw tilts high.  What is in the middle?  Pure white light?  The answers?  I don't know, I appear to be a little off balance at the moment but I'll find myself again and when I cross that threshold between pain and pleasure, negative and positive I'll be sure to keep a close eye out for it.