Tuesday, December 30, 2014

oreo cookies and coffee :)

all i want for christmas are oreo cookies and coffee 
i'm planning my escape  
i call this stewing
my neighbors don't hate me.  i think they like my band
i had a stalker.  i'm flattered
indonesia hosts about 250 languagues
papua new guinea 848
the world is colorful and delicious
i'm proud of every scar on my body
ever mark of ink
every line on my face
one of my best friends is moving here soon
i wish they all could come
i miss my cat when i'm at work
i think she thinks i'm hiding around the corner
back to the matter at hand
i love the ocean
i love salt stuck to my lips and sand on my toes
the world is god damn big
i'm not out to conquer every country
i'm only listening to the voices in my head
i'm glad i used to suffer with depression
i'm glad no one noticed
i taught myself how to survive in this world
i'm not afraid of anything
i'm a liar, i'm afraid of everything
the thirties are awesome
 sometimes i think we are evolving into apes
not the other way around like we've been taught
my parents are my real heroes
my dad looked good in tube socks
and a mustache
i wonder if we would have hung out in the 80s
if i were an older-me back then
he knew me when i was a younger me
learning guitar was the best thing i've done
music teaches us how to hear
drawing teaches us how to see
i've been wrong about a lot of people
i should walk slower
but it's cold outside 
and i'm always looking over my shoulder
i love the following things:
micron pens
pizza with dill
belly buttons
dark hair
poorly drawn hands in famous artwork
rap music
heavy metal
*i hate blues.. sorry.. and horses.. i hate them too
i like breakfast in different countries
cold pillows
people from brazil
blue jean jackets
jeans with holes in them
face paint
being naked
çiğ köfte
the balkans
documentaries about the incas
outer space
carl sagan
and fanta

ohh löp löp karlar yağıyor..
i'm making angels tonight
in the snow by my house
tucked away in a secret corner of the world
nobody knows about
but me
those close to me
and those who came to see me
soon i'll be watching the sunset channel
on the western corners of a strange island
deep in the indian ocean
the same body of water that stole my heart
last summer
watching the stars turn into dreams
picking happiness off the sounds of nature
all around me....

Wednesday, December 24, 2014


i woke up at about 12:40 today.  my house is a mess and proudly displays signs of last night's madness as we celebrated an early christmas together with other ex-pats who are stuck here for the holiday.  last night was exceptionally funny in the heart of doing stupid things that haven't really changed much since i was about fifteen years old.  in my living room there is a broken table where i can almost re-watch myself throwing my friend tom into last night and tiny flakes of ashes from a mcdonald's paper bag remaining from when marco tried to light tom on fire.  poor tom.

in this destruction i think we all felt the sentiment of a great era coming to an end, going out with a bang so to speak.  i'll spend new years in the company of good people and toast to one of the best years of my life.  i'm not even sure how to quantify a great year but this one has taken me to a very strange corner of the earth called madagascar which i never in thirty two years ever imagined i would wash ashore.  ez lisnin, which started in 2013, came into full effect this year and i spend my free time being up all night with like-minded individuals who entertain each other with bizarre sound effects and beeps and clicks.

i tote an obnoxiously long green military looking jacket and don a winter hat and slippers, looking like a bum really, and walk out into the world unshowered only to realize today is far too warm to be dressed like this.  it's ok, i'm only on my way to the manav (it means something a deli in english) and sift throw brands of organic orange and pineapple juices.  the recovery begins.  i'm back in my apartment halfway through cleaning and listening to loud hip hop mixed with ez lisnin tracks that i've made this week.  i can feel the shedding of last night's madness turning into the light of a new day, perhaps a new era.  i feel so good right now.  i laughed so hard last night that i actually fell asleep with a smile on my face.  many people take for granted the joy of self-destruction once in a while but it's good for you.  now i'm excited about health and vegetables again, yoga and buddhism; last night was a step away from my path or perhaps a step closer.

i'm watching the last days of this great year come to an end and i fear not the future.  i've learned too much in my short time on earth to worry about what is to come next.  i like getting older and in some ways i like where this world is heading.  i'm excited about life and i don't see anything wrong with following the beat of my own drum.  this is the life i chose and it's working out just fine yet i can't help but wonder what holds people down into their own unhappiness.  i get sad all the time, i've battled a seemingly underestimated depression my whole life but i've learned to channel my depression into energy.  i hope other people can do that too, i hate thinking that others feel the sadness i once felt.

2015 will take me far and wide.  who knows what is to come next?  i see islands and beaches and boats whereas i've gotten a taste of the ocean and the sea last summer and i want more.  i'll speak further about this later, for now i have a broken table to repair.  merry christmas!

Friday, December 19, 2014

Thursday, December 18, 2014

..you're a crazy breed. hope you're not lonely..

it's been too long since i've seen the pleasures of a day of silence.  this is a practice i used to do long ago when i found that my head needed to be screwed back on.  it's something i'm really long over due for seeing as how i have serious plans of travel for next year that i've hardly even put much work into.  maybe i'm just getting good at spontaneity or maybe i'm just too self-involved in the money saving process to realize what i'm actually working for.  

when i was a kid i always wanted to run away.  i never knew why.  i had great parents and came from a very comfortable life of the middle class american family's dream.  i wondered what it was that i'm running from.  i learned when i was about 19 the value of having less.  i had a small apartment crowded with about fifteen musical instruments and a lot of art supplies but one day i took all of them and dispersed them among my friends.  by the time i finished university i had a little more than a backpack and single guitar to my name.  less is more.  maybe this is what i was running from.

don't ever forget the value of nothingness.  i urge everybody to look deep inside of themselves and find what they are truly fortunate enough to be in possession of.  you have a heart and an imagination and a fiery soul that is begging you to explore the lands across the sea.  that fire is all i need in this world.  it is true that we live in a world run by money but so be it.  i'm part of the system and i work seven days a week to raise a seemingly intangible number in my back account but that's how it must be.  i'm no longer idealistic enough to see beyond such things.  all i know is that i've built a life for myself which provides opportunities to explore the faraway corners of the world.

i want to share a bit of my plans so far, although i've made a decision to begin the true planning of this trip after new years.

this is a map of indonesia with my destination clearly teasing from the center: borneo.  sometimes people ask what calls me to different places and i always tell them that ideas are like seeds in our minds.  somewhere along the line i've picked up on this thought of borneo, perhaps from national geographic videos or perhaps even more obscurely from a strange nickname my mother used to give me when i was very little, 'the wild baby of borneo' (i have no idea where that came from).  these seeds are planted in our heads and our imagination and personal interest become a way of watering those seeds to see them flourish into healthy travels.  soon it will be time again to own nothing more than a backpack.

i have voices in my head and i listen to them.  i hear things calling me from far away and i'm lead to them like an insect to a flame.  what curiosities await me on this vast remote island are only to be told with time but i promise my eyes to be wider upon my return.  

Monday, December 15, 2014

so long old friend.... :(

i'll be seeing you down the river...

I am a sinner
Who's probably gonna sin again
Lord forgive me
Lord forgive me
Things I don't understand
Sometimes I need to be alone
Please don't kill my vibe
Please don't kill my vibe
I can feel your energy from two planets away
I got my drink I got my music I will share it but today I'm yelling
Please don't kill my vibe

Thursday, December 4, 2014


about 5-7 minutes everyday i have a freak out session and run around my house listening to heavy metal.  i was inspired by my cat's daily freak out sessions.