i believe that after a certain amount of time you eventually become yourself. it's strange to think how we live so much of our lives in misunderstanding and discomfort within ourselves and it seems to me that one day we simply shed our final layers of innocence and become the person we have been designing for so long. it is really a wonderful feeling to know yourself. it's good also to spend some time with yourself and ask yourself from time to time where you stand in this world.
a long time ago an old friend told me that i had been trying to lose myself. he watched my travels from afar and made a great effort to keep me sane when i was wandering through central asia. i miss that guy. i miss him and in some ways i miss the person he was writing to.
i've recently been spending an extra amount of time getting to know myself. some things i've learned have struck me as very surprising while others were very reassuring that the choices i've made in the past have lead me directly to where i am today; all in one piece and a few scars/smile lines to boast my adventures.
i have this really good friend i've gotten to know recently. i love the depths of our friendship and the self-discovery that has come along with it. it makes me feel lucky that there are people out there who still see this strange world of sights and sounds with similar eyes.
in some ways i believe that these next few months will draw me deeper into isolation. i'm truly okay with that. i look forward to the pictures i'll make and the songs i will surely write. it's funny to me to think sometimes how dramatically my life could be after only a few months time have passed. this last year has been really great to me and i've earned sometime to unpack my bags and stretch my arms. it is, of course, only a matter of time before i begin to lust over maps of unexplored lands and then set my sails to a new course.
There's smoke in my iris
But I painted a sunny day on the insides of my eyelids
So I'm ready now (What you ready for?)
I'm ready for life in this city
And my wings have grown almost enough to lift me
i have spent a long time being me and although i somehow have made attempts in the past to believe i don't really exist, it is very true to me that i'm just another mass of star dust among seemingly countless combinations of the same stars. the universe has an amazing imagination and it favors no one. the world is quite big too, anyone who says that it is a small world lives in a small world.
i just wanna see some monkeys...