Sleeping Bear

I found a minute to be alone and write. How about that? Where am I, you ask? Physically speaking, I'm in the lobby of a hotel somewhere on the outskirts of Traverse City. Mentally speaking, I suppose I'm somewhere far, far away. Now, that leaves a bit of pressure on a person like me who tends to feel the bottleneck effect of not allowing oneself time to think for an extended period of time. I don't check in on myself. I don't ask how I'm doing or anything like that, not commonly, but here I am finding a moment to wonder how much I care if I'm going grey or how much I care that my face is a bit more wrinkly than it used to be. Should I be rationalizing and searching for approval that I'm still on the right path or should I just let it be what it is, this very moment? 

Last night I had dreams that were sounds only. Maybe it came from the hum of a piece of equipment in the ceiling controlling the room temperature or just the buzz of exhaustion from looking after my family too closely these past few weeks. Effort isn't the opposite of happiness. I learned that recently and if I don't write it somewhere I'm doomed to forget.

Back to getting older. Should I be searching for something the way I used to? Should it scare me if I have nothing on my mind? Am I living out the moments of success I once reached so distantly for? Man, I used to be a loose cannon. Just a click or two through this old blog will show that madness, uncertainty, and I are very old friends in a complicated yet open relationship. 

I love my family. God I love them so much. I still can't believe I'm a dad. Better yet, I can't believe I'm a dad to the best kid ever. I watched his eyes open when he woke up this morning and I was the first person he saw. I was laying in bed next to him watching the lines of light pass from the hotel curtains to the stucco painted ceilings when he twitched himself awake. It's like I was dreaming until he woke up.

We went to the mall today. That's really all we did outside of the hotel where we plan to spend the better part of this afternoon splashing between a hot tub that is too hot and a pool that is too cold. We bought some floaty swimmy arm things from Dunham's and they are sitting by the dresser waiting for him to finish playing Hunter Call of the Wild. Man, my son loves hunting. he loves fishing and all that outdoorsy stuff. That's so cool. Lets' renew our fishing license and wander around the beautiful waterways of Michigan this year. 

I hear we are going to Sleeping Bear Dunes tomorrow. I've never been there in the winter. How trippy.. 

I love you guys. I love you whoever you are. I love how few people read this anymore.