Friday, October 17, 2014

the sky opens up and pours light down on you

in an early morning conversation with a good friend and traveler earlier this year i was told that 'the sky opens up and pours light down on me'.  it was an amazing phrase that i've never heard before and to this day i'm beautifully haunted by those kind yet strange words.  i've had a fascination with the sky for a long time now which is greatly accredited to a weekend long ayauasca trip i took in peru a few years ago as well as an old party trick my friends and i used to do in lake michigan where we would shout slanderous yet comical curses to the sky as if it were responsible for the wrong doings of all humans.  yet the sky usually remains silent.

sometimes i wonder how i've become the person i am today.  i do believe somewhere in here that i have a good heart yet i don't necessarily believe in good and evil.  long ago i took a serious contemplation of the word 'taboo' and i reconsidered what i believed to be acceptable for humans.  in fact i'm intrigued by the taboo and sometimes i do things because i believe other people are too cowardly to follow those paths.  this comes in the form of running away to a different country, which is simple, and it comes in other forms of things i wish i could write about in public.  i think the most admirable of all people are the brave and for the brave people who challenge destiny (or perhaps do not believe in it) we are rewarded with the gift of sight.

the world is actually quite mysterious to some.  so many people question why we are here or if there is a god.  others question about how things came to be yet i don't bother myself with these questions anymore.  perhaps this is the buddhist in me that believes in transience; i watch these meaningless thoughts pass as i do all other thoughts.  not long ago i was feeling lost yet this morning of all recent mornings i have never felt more 'found'.

i had a dream last night about a friend who knows me better that some people who have known me for years.  a very special person who vanished before their time.  she left this place too early and her smile still haunts me.  we are all tied to each other, us humans, and we connect in ways that have no name yet we find answers to questions we never knew.  humans are animals yet we are social animals.  we learn about the world around us from our interactions with each other.  i don't regret any interaction i've had with any human be it good or bad, they are each a stitch of a very delicate tapestry that binds itself together with experience and love.

i woke up with this version of this song in my head:

pay attention to the sky today, there are wandering clouds among us.

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