Wednesday, November 12, 2014

12,090 AD

sometimes i think it is the year 12,090 AD.  ever since i was very young this number has always been specific for me and the reason is actually kind of funny.  i was (and still am) a huge anime fan and among my favorites is the film Vampire Hunter D which takes place in the year 12,090 AD.  i remember hearing that number for the first time and thinking how strange it was that little has changed in some ten thousand years from the time of my own existence.  still it rocks my mind that i have come so far in thirty two short years on earth and sometimes i can't help but wonder what will come next for me.

if you live for thirty two years chances are that you will see the coming and unfortunately the passing of people you are close to.  this seems to be the age when life kicks into full gear.  the friends who have had babies now have young people in their houses who can speak and retain information as good as you or i.  somethings worked out for the better and some did not.  some people went on to prosper and sadly a small few have ended their lives before they had a chance to blossom.

so sometimes i think, 'why me?'.  why did i become the one who ran away?  i think the answer for that lies in my imagination that never went away with adulthood.  in my head it is the year 12,090 AD and i'm a vampire hunter.  i'm the well-drawn picture of a single anime frame with the pause button pressed while a seven year old version of myself draws everything on the screen.  i'm the cover of a 1980's video game whose graphics are better in the cover art than in the actual game.  i spent years telling everybody that i was going to run away and eventually that is exactly what i did.

now i want to think about the future.  i want to think about death, aging and the crippling illnesses which flip like a coin of fate to all of us.  the buddha was exposed to the same three things and the shock of life's inevitable outcome drove him to some six years of soul searching until one day he realized that it is our own desire which causes such suffering.  we can learn a lot from the buddha and as a side note i have made it one of my life goals to not let his teachings be forgotten.

so what happens as our bodies fall apart?  we look in the mirror and see a grey hair or a wrinkle on our face and the first signs of our bodies' decay become clear to us.  there is no need to worry about this, at least as far as i've learned.  the secret to happiness is transience and the recognition that life is only temporary.  somehow i have survived thus far even at times in the wake of misfortunate events which could have taken their turns for the worst.  i'm not afraid of death, in fact sometimes i imagine my last words to pass through my mind to be something like, 'oh, so that's how my story ends.' and i think the peace i've made with life is part of my content with fate.  many people cling to their beliefs in god or an afterlife perhaps out of fear that their temporariness in life would go without reason yet i don't really believe we are anything more than star dust floating in the cosmos.  for now i want to see some of this interesting world and learn more about the upright bipedal apes who are among my species.  i want to find out why some foods are palatable to one culture yet are found repulsive to others.  i want to see again and again what the stars look like in the southern hemisphere, i'm still tickled by that perspective every time.  sometimes i even want to shake the person next to me and say, 'do you not realize!?  you are made of stars!' yet i know that i stole that quote from a mind much brighter than my own.

somehow in this vast oblivion we have made it to the year 12,090 AD or 2014 AD or whatever number you choose to identify with.  we are the survivors of a cruel world and i don't see anything wrong with indulging in our lusts to explore this planet to its fullest while it is still green and blue and while there are still wild animals and indigenous people wandering about.  the world as we know it is changing and i've seen with my own eyes the devastation we are inflicting upon our planet.  believe it or not we are part of the problem and i want to take the world in for some of its beauty before its too late.

1 comment: