oreo cookies and coffee :)

all i want for christmas are oreo cookies and coffee 

i'm planning my escape  

i call this stewing

my neighbors don't hate me.  i think they like my band

i had a stalker.  i'm flattered

indonesia hosts about 250 languagues

papua new guinea 848

the world is colorful and delicious

i'm proud of every scar on my body

ever mark of ink

every line on my face

one of my best friends is moving here soon

i wish they all could come

i miss my cat when i'm at work

i think she thinks i'm hiding around the corner

back to the matter at hand

i love the ocean

i love salt stuck to my lips and sand on my toes

the world is god damn big

i'm not out to conquer every country

i'm only listening to the voices in my head

i'm glad i used to suffer with depression

i'm glad no one noticed

i taught myself how to survive in this world

i'm not afraid of anything

i'm a liar, i'm afraid of everything

the thirties are awesome

 sometimes i think we are evolving into apes

not the other way around like we've been taught

my parents are my real heroes

my dad looked good in tube socks

and a mustache

i wonder if we would have hung out in the 80s

if i were an older-me back then

he knew me when i was a younger me

learning guitar was the best thing i've done

music teaches us how to hear

drawing teaches us how to see

i've been wrong about a lot of people

i should walk slower

but it's cold outside 

and i'm always looking over my shoulder

i love the following things:

micron pens

mint

pizza with dill

belly buttons

languages

dark hair

poorly drawn hands in famous artwork

rap music

heavy metal

*i hate blues.. sorry.. and horses.. i hate them too

i like breakfast in different countries

cold pillows

farmers

dentists

people from brazil

blue jean jackets

hoodies

jeans with holes in them

feathers

face paint

being naked

turkey

çiğ köfte

hasankeyf

karadeniz

şarküteriler

kadıköy

4:20

the balkans

sicily

documentaries about the incas

outer space

carl sagan

and fanta

ohh löp löp karlar yağıyor..

i'm making angels tonight

in the snow by my house

tucked away in a secret corner of the world

nobody knows about

but me

those close to me

and those who came to see me

soon i'll be watching the sunset channel

on the western corners of a strange island

deep in the indian ocean

the same body of water that stole my heart

last summer

watching the stars turn into dreams

picking happiness off the sounds of nature

all around me....

2014

i woke up at about 12:40 today.  my house is a mess and proudly displays signs of last night's madness as we celebrated an early christmas together with other ex-pats who are stuck here for the holiday.  last night was exceptionally funny in the heart of doing stupid things that haven't really changed much since i was about fifteen years old.  in my living room there is a broken table where i can almost re-watch myself throwing my friend tom into last night and tiny flakes of ashes from a mcdonald's paper bag remaining from when marco tried to light tom on fire.  poor tom.

in this destruction i think we all felt the sentiment of a great era coming to an end, going out with a bang so to speak.  i'll spend new years in the company of good people and toast to one of the best years of my life.  i'm not even sure how to quantify a great year but this one has taken me to a very strange corner of the earth called madagascar which i never in thirty two years ever imagined i would wash ashore.  ez lisnin, which started in 2013, came into full effect this year and i spend my free time being up all night with like-minded individuals who entertain each other with bizarre sound effects and beeps and clicks.

i tote an obnoxiously long green military looking jacket and don a winter hat and slippers, looking like a bum really, and walk out into the world unshowered only to realize today is far too warm to be dressed like this.  it's ok, i'm only on my way to the manav (it means something a deli in english) and sift throw brands of organic orange and pineapple juices.  the recovery begins.  i'm back in my apartment halfway through cleaning and listening to loud hip hop mixed with ez lisnin tracks that i've made this week.  i can feel the shedding of last night's madness turning into the light of a new day, perhaps a new era.  i feel so good right now.  i laughed so hard last night that i actually fell asleep with a smile on my face.  many people take for granted the joy of self-destruction once in a while but it's good for you.  now i'm excited about health and vegetables again, yoga and buddhism; last night was a step away from my path or perhaps a step closer.

i'm watching the last days of this great year come to an end and i fear not the future.  i've learned too much in my short time on earth to worry about what is to come next.  i like getting older and in some ways i like where this world is heading.  i'm excited about life and i don't see anything wrong with following the beat of my own drum.  this is the life i chose and it's working out just fine yet i can't help but wonder what holds people down into their own unhappiness.  i get sad all the time, i've battled a seemingly underestimated depression my whole life but i've learned to channel my depression into energy.  i hope other people can do that too, i hate thinking that others feel the sadness i once felt.

2015 will take me far and wide.  who knows what is to come next?  i see islands and beaches and boats whereas i've gotten a taste of the ocean and the sea last summer and i want more.  i'll speak further about this later, for now i have a broken table to repair.  merry christmas!

portakal hump!

..you're a crazy breed. hope you're not lonely..

it's been too long since i've seen the pleasures of a day of silence.  this is a practice i used to do long ago when i found that my head needed to be screwed back on.  it's something i'm really long over due for seeing as how i have serious plans of travel for next year that i've hardly even put much work into.  maybe i'm just getting good at spontaneity or maybe i'm just too self-involved in the money saving process to realize what i'm actually working for.  

when i was a kid i always wanted to run away.  i never knew why.  i had great parents and came from a very comfortable life of the middle class american family's dream.  i wondered what it was that i'm running from.  i learned when i was about 19 the value of having less.  i had a small apartment crowded with about fifteen musical instruments and a lot of art supplies but one day i took all of them and dispersed them among my friends.  by the time i finished university i had a little more than a backpack and single guitar to my name.  less is more.  maybe this is what i was running from.

don't ever forget the value of nothingness.  i urge everybody to look deep inside of themselves and find what they are truly fortunate enough to be in possession of.  you have a heart and an imagination and a fiery soul that is begging you to explore the lands across the sea.  that fire is all i need in this world.  it is true that we live in a world run by money but so be it.  i'm part of the system and i work seven days a week to raise a seemingly intangible number in my back account but that's how it must be.  i'm no longer idealistic enough to see beyond such things.  all i know is that i've built a life for myself which provides opportunities to explore the faraway corners of the world.

i want to share a bit of my plans so far, although i've made a decision to begin the true planning of this trip after new years.

this is a map of indonesia with my destination clearly teasing from the center: borneo.  sometimes people ask what calls me to different places and i always tell them that ideas are like seeds in our minds.  somewhere along the line i've picked up on this thought of borneo, perhaps from national geographic videos or perhaps even more obscurely from a strange nickname my mother used to give me when i was very little, 'the wild baby of borneo' (i have no idea where that came from).  these seeds are planted in our heads and our imagination and personal interest become a way of watering those seeds to see them flourish into healthy travels.  soon it will be time again to own nothing more than a backpack.

i have voices in my head and i listen to them.  i hear things calling me from far away and i'm lead to them like an insect to a flame.  what curiosities await me on this vast remote island are only to be told with time but i promise my eyes to be wider upon my return.  

so long old friend.... :(

i'll be seeing you down the river...






I am a sinner
Who's probably gonna sin again
Lord forgive me
Lord forgive me
Things I don't understand
Sometimes I need to be alone
Please don't kill my vibe
Please don't kill my vibe
I can feel your energy from two planets away
I got my drink I got my music I will share it but today I'm yelling
Please don't kill my vibe

EZ lisnin - Sangria (video)

Pantera

about 5-7 minutes everyday i have a freak out session and run around my house listening to heavy metal.  i was inspired by my cat's daily freak out sessions.