Monday, January 5, 2015

homesickness and waterfalls

i slept a lot last night.  i really needed it.  lately i've been having the strangest of encounters including things i perceived to be ghosts and other strange chance run-ins with people from the past in both dreams and waking life.  i hold that few people care about ghost stories (except you) or telling about your dreams so i won't really go into details about what i saw the other night.  it doesn't matter.  actually it's almost to be expected that weird things would start happening as something really strange is in the air these days.

making music has taken me into a deep trance of reality.  i love it so much that i almost care more about the feeling i get than the actual art itself.  it gives me so much happiness to explore deep into my sub-consciousness and see what music lies beneath.  we all have music inside of us, not everybody lets it out.  deep down in there we also have weird things, illusions, old dusty dreams, deja vu and so on yet we've kept these things bottled for so long that when we rediscover them it feels like a chance run-in with an old friend.

so i slept a lot last night.  just crashed.  i don't remember dreaming.  i barely remember falling asleep.  i didn't wake up in the middle of the night once and i'm pretty sure i awoke in the exact same position as when i went to sleep.  i have today off work, which is quite rare, so i decided to enjoy laziness for a while.  i put off my shower for about two and a half hours but when i finally got in there i blasted myself with hotter than usual water.  i don't usually take super hot showers and i started to overheat.  i turned the water back to cold and suddenly i was again taken somewhere far away.  i closed my eyes and imagined that i was under a waterfall... god i love waterfalls.  i wanted to be somewhere else.  i wanted to jump on the next passing cloud and let it take me to a new place.  that's when i remembered i'm leaving in about two months (i think).  shit.. that's coming right up.  what am i doing?  why am i not at an internet cafe with a big cup of black coffee right next to me making plans?  i got sad for a second.  i miss my family.  i didn't get to go home this christmas and usually i'm better at ignoring it.  not this time.

this year is going to be a wild one, i can feel it.  i've almost circled the sun thirty three times and i've stepped foot on dozens of obscure corners of this earth.  i'm a traveler and i have an earnest desire to flip this world upside down.  it's getting real.  i want to see my home first (after?).  i want to see my friends and family and take in some of their energy.  i have this feeling that i'm needed somewhere and likewise i have this feeling that i need them too.  2015 is here.  next year it will essentially be ten years since i've started this traveling thing and i welcome it with open arms.  i'm just a little homesick right now.  it'll pass.

1 comment:

  1. Sometimes I wonder if my goal of saving money should be towards the end goal of travel rather than pastry school.